Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
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i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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