Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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