Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
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You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
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I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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