I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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