I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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