WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
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He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
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I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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