The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sarcasm needs its own font
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
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