the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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