Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
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please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
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Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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