I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize