I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
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Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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