ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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