Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
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he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
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i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
whose parrot is this?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
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