Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
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If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
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Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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