i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
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She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
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