This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize