I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
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Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
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I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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