Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
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oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
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Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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