Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
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I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
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I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
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