guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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