Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize