I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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