Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
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we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
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I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize