in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Your penis caused this!
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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