So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
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your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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