tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
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If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
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Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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