I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
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