I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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