I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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