Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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