My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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