is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
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Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
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You brought string cheese to the strip club
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
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