He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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