I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize