She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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