dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
he thought i was a dude.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize