im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
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he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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