I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
he thought i was a dude.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize