apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
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i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
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Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
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