the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
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