I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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