i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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