Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize