I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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