I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
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Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
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I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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