Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
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Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
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Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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