She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize