My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
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I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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