I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize