...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
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Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
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You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
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I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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